February 21, 2007

Better the second time around?

I haven't written much about Sara, the woman I was dating while I was dating Amy, except to mention that we had ended things in January after only a few weeks, and that my experience was that of being jerked around a bit. Whether it was due to miscommunication (I know, that's a running theme) or age-differences, or flat-out incompatibility, Sara and I weren't working, and it was a healthy break at the end there.

Until she called me on Valentine's Day when things changed - not because it became unhealthy, but rather because we ended the ending and are back to being again.

I wasn't surprised to see she had called and left a message, as I somewhat expected that we might stay in touch after a suitable time has passed. When I returned her call, I was expecting a friendly "how have you been" conversation. What I got was much more fun -

"I know what you think about how we were together, but here's why you were wrong" was how she started out - or something similar, I'm paraphrasing a bit. She then proceeded to lay out why I had misunderstood or otherwise mistaken her intentions and actions, she told me about how I had baffled and confused her, and how she agreed we weren't so good together, but that we could be, and what did I think of that?

Well now, for those of you who don't know me, there is little that is more likely to impress me than when my lady stands up to me. I know I can be overbearing at times, and I always fear that I might disempower my partner. One of my favorite exes was never more attractive to me then when she was telling me off, because I appreciate the strength and bravery that letting someone have it requires - especially someone with whom I'm in a deeply personal relationship.

So I was impressed, and moved by Sara's reaching out to me to tell me why I was wrong, and I let her know it. And I suggested we get together again but not as a date - we should try to just be together - and see how it goes. I think the "dating" was part of what was messing us up, and she agreed. Then she let me have it some more - what was I willing to do differently this time, what was I willing to commit to, to make it worth her while?

So then we haggled. It was fun, and funny, and absurd, and yet meaningful and deliberate and intentional in a way that I enjoyed. At the end of a two hour call, we had come to an understanding: we would stay connected no matter how uncomfortable things may become - we'd not pull away, hide out, or play small, but rather dig in and get to the heart of whatever happens between us. No sulking, no playing games, no second-guessing... Alright, bring it on, I'm in.

We had our special time together last Monday - a nine hour date, in fact. She came over, we talked, I took her to my favorite neighborhood Greek place, we watched a movie together, and we had a great time together. Was there still some misunderstandings, absolutely. She oftentimes says things that I'm sure she doesn't intend to be off-putting, but are (like "wow, you're so much thinner in this picture!" instead of "this is great picture of you") but I'm sure I do something that annoys her as well. I can't imagine what that could be, but if history teaches us anything - and I think it does - I'm sure I will if I haven't started yet.

So Sara's back in the picture, and who knows what will happen next. She's a quirky one, that Sara is. Next date - Saturday. Of course I'll let you know how it goes...

1 Comments:

At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Elise said...

Good luck. To both of you! ;)

 

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