February 12, 2007

Lincoln's Birthday Update

April 19 - May 19
Changes in your working environment could result in a rise in your income, dear Taurus. You've been working very hard in order to advance yourself in this regard, and are likely to continue to do so indefinitely. Your natural communications skills continue to serve you well, and your physical energy is likely to be stronger than it has been for a long time. The only downside: very little time to yourself! Hang in there!


Sometimes my horoscope nails it.

Okay, first of all, Monday night TV is the fricking greatest. If you're not watching Heroes and Studio 60, I don't even know what to say to you. That's like saying you don't want to eat an entire pizza; I understand the words themselves, but they don't make any sense.

I have to say I didn't expect Nathan to be Claire's dad! That was a total no-way moment last week. This week's whole deal with Jessica and the cop and everything - sweeeeeet.

In other non-sequitur news, this looks frickin' AWESOME. How much can't I wait for March 9th when this bad-boy opens? Oh my ass, this movie looks so amazing...

And how was Miami? It was great. A wonderful conference, though the weather - not so much. It finally got warm the very last day I was there, and I ended up with about an hour by the pool in the sun before heading out to the airport.

What? This isn't the news you're looking for? You were expecting maybe an update on the Amy situation? Yeah, I bet you are...

Ironic the way life takes different directions. Less than three weeks ago I was faced with a particularly vexing problem: I was dating two women, and perplexed at how I would handle their respective Valentine's Day expectations. Two days prior to the big day, however, I find myself completely free for the Hallmark Holiday.

Yup, it will come as no surprise to some of you that Amy and I split up. Last week. And I fully expect to hear about how my expectations are unrealistic, and how I can't handle women as they actually are, due to my issues with how I want them to be. Blah blah blah... While all that's valid, and certainly the one thing all my failed relationships have in common is me, I wonder why it's so revolutionary that I don't want to settle for merely ok? What's with all the enthusiasm for me to get over my desire to find a truly excellent match?

Here's my angle - I'm very happy being single. I've always said I'd rather be single than annoyed, but that's only the first of several "I'd rather be single than" statements I can rattle off. I've got a terrific life, great family, wonderful friends. I've got a job I love that's demanding and wonderful. I make a great salary, and I've got no one other than Visa I need to answer to. So if I'm going to choose to be with someone, to willingly take on the responsibilities of being a partner to someone, it will be because someone truly special has reached me in some truly special way.

It'll be for a person who provides something terrific, a person who brings something to me and my life that I'm missing, and for whom I can do the same. In short, she's got to have the qualities and personality that I'm willing to exchange my autonomy for. And if she doesn't, or if she doesn't in a way that suits me, then why is it so surprising that I'd want to move on?

That being said, let me be clear - Amy was wonderful on many levels and I'd recommend her to any of the single guys in my life. Becca was pretty impressive as well, as were many of my exes - that's why, save for one or two, I still count amongst my friends a significant number of those significant others. Some of my favorite people are my exes; they weren't bad or wrong - they just weren't the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life committed to.

I had to look closely at that last week, and unfortunately so did Amy. In addition to the minor misunderstanding we had two weeks ago, we had another just like it last week. At the root of our trouble was her assertion that I wasn't overly interested in her. She said "I have your complete attention when we're together, but when we're not, I have this feeling that you could take me or leave me." And I had to admit that was true. Amy was great, and I enjoyed her company immensely, but I didn't crave it. I didn't require it, and I wasn't looking for opportunities to augment it. When we had a free weekend, my idea wasn't to spend the that time together, and when I had someone cancel for dinner, I wasn't calling her to see if she was free.

So we broke up. That's what two people should do in that situation, no? We were doing fine, but I didn't think it would grow or deepen. I considered the possibility that at some point in the future I would feel more strongly about her, and weighed that against our ages and the likelihood that I so drastically misunderstand myself that what I feel at 3+ months won't be indicative of what I'll feel later on. Could I be wrong? Of course I could be. But the alternative is a tepid relationship, and I'd rather be single than in a tepid relationship.

So go ahead - flame me. Tell me all about how unrealistic my expectations are, tell me about how I should be just fine having a relationship that's just fine. Or tell me how it's all my fault, which may or may not be true, but doesn't improve how I feel about her or us. Or do as Michael does, and congratulate me for reaching my monthly quota of making some single woman cry (cruel, Michael, very cruel).

At the end of the day, I need to be able to look into her eyes and tell her that I love her, and mean it. And if I can't do that, the reasons why not aren't nearly as important as the hypocrisy of pretending otherwise. As far as I'm concerned, every relationship but the last one will end, so why should it be so shocking when one does? Isn't it much more startling when one doesn't?

I'm single again rather than in a doomed relationship. And that's yet another thing I'd rather be single than...


At 1:47 PM, Anonymous Elise (Ex #317) said...

Now I for one, will never say that you should be with someone you arent in love with. I know how hard marriage is when you are in love, I wouldnt wish a so-so marriage on anyone. I just think that your communication skills with women are not as good as you think they are and that this causes you needless frustration. I like the way you ended things with Amy, and it's a good point to realize that you werent craving more time with her. I hope you do find someone who will enrich your life in that way, until then I wish you many more exes you can learn from! ;)

At 7:39 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

# 317! I appreciate the significant volume you think I've experienced...

As one of those exes who remain one of my favorite people, I thank you for your support :)

At 2:09 PM, Blogger Mr.T said...

Yo!!! I can't wait to see 300 that film looks awesome.

As far as all that other stuff you talked about. Well said!

#317 well said as well. Marriage with someone you are in love with is wicked tough. I can only imagine how hard it would be with someone whome you would rather be playing video games with than craving to spend time with.

At 5:53 PM, Anonymous If but for the grace of one gay man, I may have been an ex . . said...

What--you're supposed to crave the person you married? Now you tell me. . . ;-)

I'd rather be single than annoyed, too. And if that's the litmus test, then I married correctly.

I like you single. It enables me to keep the fantasy that you exist on this planet purely to lavish me with love and praise. Other women get in the way of that.


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