January 11, 2007

Conspiracy Theory du Jour

Frequent readers of this blog will know that I am somewhat susceptible to the many different worst case scenarios out there, anything from 9/11 being an inside job to the reasons why we're building internment camps in the American west - brought to you by Halliburton, of course.

Fortunately I'm also an optimist, so while I'm quite concerned about the insidious direction our country is taking, I'm also pretty sure things'll work out in the end.

This week's dark and devious plot by the Republicans to screw us out of justice goes like this - at some point relatively soon Cheney resigns due to health problems. GWB nominates Condi Rice to replace Cheney, and she sails through the confirmation hearings and is sworn in. As a great thank you to Dick Cheney for his years of service, GWB grants him a Nixon-style full pardon for all crimes he ever committed ever even in his imagination.

Then as we get closer to the elections and GWB becomes more and more of a liability to the Republican ticket, which is now suddenly sporting Condi Rice as the front runner, GWB gets sick or otherwise resigns as well. Suddenly there's our first African American president AND our first woman president at the same time, and the Republicans are suddenly the party of inclusion. What a coup, stealing that plum from the Democrats!

Inevitably our new President Rice will pardon GWB as well. But not until after she's elected in her own right, that's of course part of the deal - if the GOP doesn't get her the Oval Office, they won't get their subpoena-proof "get out of jail free" card.

And then 8 more years! 8 more years! But only for evangelical Christians. The rest of us will be in Camp Halliburton long before then. First they'll come for the Muslims, and we'll do nothing, because we aren't Muslim...


At 6:38 AM, Blogger Allan said...

Highly unlikely. Rice would have to be confirmed by both houses of a democratic congress. The congress would see through this ploy and block the nomination, for two reasons:

1. The democratic congress, in general, would not want to face a republican incumbent in 2008; and

2. Various congressional leaders, both democratic and republican, themselves contemplate a run for the presidency. They would have especial reason to oppose such a plan.

At 10:55 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Well now, I don't think it's an actual consipiracy, as you mention, there are several holes. But then I have faith in the republicans to overcome all obstacles!


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