July 08, 2006

Weekend Harry Potter fluff post

Since none of you are around to marvel at my wit and wisdom on the weekends, or so I suspect, I thought I'd do a little catch up. I neglected to comment upon a significant bit of news that's been provided to eager Harry Potter-fanatics around the world concerning the fate of the characters in Book 7.

"One character got a reprieve, but I have to say two die that I didn't intend to die," author J.K. Rowling said last week.

It will likely come as no surprise to you to learn that I am one of those people for whom this is a big deal. Perhaps it is the set of fuzzy, 20-sided dice hanging from my rear-view mirror, or maybe it's the 6"Argonath bookends guarding the top of my television, proudly proclaiming my living room to be the lawful realm of Gondor. Nevertheless, you're not surprised that I'm a Harry Potter fan, and I'm not even going to pretend to be offended.

But in fairness, while I'm a Harry Potter fan, I'm not a Harry Potter fan. I have yet to engage in crafting any Harry Potter fan-fiction, though I do know and love someone who does. As far as I can tell, most HP fan fiction is a lightly-veiled attempt to explore Harry and Malfoy's latent homosexuality while simultaneously exposing the author's lightly-veiled latent homosexuality. Seems to me there's a perfectly good and somewhat reliable author for actual Harry Potter fiction already, and I'm happy to wait and find out what she has in store for us. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't speculate, no?

I have the pleasure of being at the center of what can only be described as the world's most attractive Harry Potter book group. (In this instance "book group" is being loosely defined as several extraordinarily attractive women whom all email me about what they think of Harry Potter. It was SO the right move to switch out from Star Trek to Harry Potter when I did...)

I present to you some of the aggregated theories being bandied about by myself and my bevy of beautiful Potterheads for your review. Please feel free to comment and add your own theories. And should you wish to join our merry bookgroup, please observe the following rules -

  • The first rule of Harry Potter Book Club is you don't talk about Harry Potter Book Club. I mean really, it's embarrassing... I'm 36.

  • The second rule of Harry Potter Book Club is that I get to be the only guy. The only thing less masculine than a Harry Potter book club is one filled with dudes.

** Spoiler Alert!**

If you have yet to read the first 6 books through and through, you may learn plot points below that will totally ruin the experience for you. I had that happen to me recently, when I heard some key plot points about Superman Returns prior to the movie and it was a complete bummer. And for the record, Superman is totally not gay. I perceived no attempt whatsoever to depict him as a homosexual throughout the film. As Christ, yes, but not gay... But I digress...

Regarding Harry's Scar: My friend Dr. Laura (not the obnoxious one on the radio, the voluptuous one from Long Island) believes that Harry's scar may be the last and final Horcrux of Voldemort. I like that one, because it follows Dumbledore's belief that Voldemort intended to use Harry's death as the final Horcrux - except Lily jumped in the way and took the spell instead.

Regarding Snape and Dumbledore: General consensus is that Snape was acting on Dumbledore's orders. He had an arrangement with Dumbledore, and Dumbledore's pleading "Severus, please" lines in his last few moments were in fact a request for Severus to do what he was told he should do - kill Dumbledore. Now, why might he do that? I have a theory that it may have something to do with a good version of the Horcrux - that unlike Voldemort, who kills to fuel his immortality, there's a goodie-goodie version where a sacrifice of a life willingly given can protect another person from death. We've already seen that happen to Harry once, when his mother gave her life to protect him from Voldemort. Perhaps like Obi-Wan when facing Darth Vader, Dumbledore pulls a "if you strike me down I'll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine" thing from up his sleeve.

(Are you not totally impressed that I didn't have to look that up to quote from the original Star Wars movie? 27 times in the theater baby! 27 times!)

This theory also gibes with the extraordinary attempts Snape took to neither fight nor hurt Harry as Snape escaped. I strongly believe that Snape remains a good guy, and Dumbledore - though truly dead - died for some advantage of Harry's.

Regarding who bites it in the 7th book: The whole world is confident one of the two deaths hinted at last week will be Voldemort, but who's the lucky number 2? My money's on Neville, who dies in a blaze of noble glory - the weak, puny child of parent's who were tortured by Voldemort finally wins his Gran's respect by stepping up in a crucial moment, though it costs him his life. And there's the whole prophecy-twist to consider - I wouldn't be surprised if that plays into it, somehow mixing up Harry and Neville and Voldemort.

Other theories include Snape, who proves his redemption once and for all by dying in a battle with Voldemort, or one of the Weasley parents - though I couldn't abide that, they're the only family Harry has for goodness sake...

Entertainment Weekly has the odds like this: Ron: 20-1, Ginny: 6-1, Hagrid: 3-2, Hermione: 50-1, Snape: 2-1, Harry: 9-2, Voldemort: even odds. Now, if only I had the slightest idea of how to read odds...

Current expectations have Book 7 publishing in 2007, and if they stay true to form, it will likely be mid-June. That gives everyone plenty of time to make a Harry Potter-themed outfit for your dog.


At 8:58 AM, Blogger Mr.T said...

What an awesome post. Laughed my tail off. Am fwding this to one of the beautiful Harry Potter fans that you love.

At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Liana said...

Neville will not die in the final book. In fact, I seriously believe that the prophecy was written about Neville Longbottom not Harry Potter. In the end, we will find out that Harry Potter is only a lucky chap and has been a decoy for the real threat to Voldemort.

At 9:29 AM, Blogger Dan said...

I'm with you that there's likely more to the Neville angle re: the prophecy, and I like the idea that it was Neville all along, but I think that the books are called Harry Potter for a reason and though a charming device, it's Harry all the way.


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